Experiences and Loss

A defining characteristic of my life to this point has been the lack of common modern experiences.

I did not grow up with two parents, and I certainly did not grow up with a parent who loved me.

I did not really get to experience homecoming, prom, etc., because I am gay (if you know, you understand).

I did not physically attend a four year university because of the pandemic & burnout. I actually went to an online program for my bachelor's while working as a data engineer.

I did not experience young love, or anything of that sort. But this could be my own fault; maybe I am too detached for my own good. Or maybe my standards for love are too high to be met. Maybe both.

I did not start my career (career is a strong word) at 22 or 23, I started at 19.

I also did not experience living in a city; I have only lived in suburban areas.

I am at a crossroads in just half a year from now. I need to decide if I want to move to a large city or if I want to move to a very rural state to save incredible money.

I am torn between the desire for experience and freedom. If I save just for 1.5 years, I can buy land in the middle of the desert with a well, septic, and solar power. I could think and write for most of my time and be financially free. How liberating!

Experience requires me to continue on this path of alienation from my labor. For me to have a comfortable middle class lifestyle, I need to produce meaningless outcomes.

I am inclined to believe that freedom is the totality of my being rather than a single dimension.

Can you truly lose something that you never experienced?