Obligation

Worn out, like a tire that has traveled tens of thousands of miles.

Exhaustion.

How do people survive? I don't know.

There exists within me the energy to survive - to eat enough food, to drink water, to sleep. It exists. It is real.

But why can I keep my body alive and still fail to live?

It is incredibly funny and revealing that I have the energy to reflect and write this, but I still have not handled my obligations.

Is this a failure of attention?

Is this a failure of my brain architecture?

Is this a failure of myself?

I do not know how people can thrive and experience quality rather than exhaustion.

Where does the energy and the will to write in the face of it all come from?

It feels like the more exhausted I am, the more my desire to write and reflect.

Why?

I don't know.

This is my reality.

Do I have the power to will a different existence for myself?

I don't know, and that is enough.