Gazing Into The Void; Gazing Into A Closed Mirror

I called out of work yesterday because I didn't sleep until 5:45 AM. Tonight, just after midnight, I am still awake at 3:31 AM.

And, just now, I imagined how I feel inside.

I saw my head reel backwards, my neck pinned to the top of my chair, pierced with light. That same light splattering onto the wall behind me.

Time to favor truth.

Venator: You're haunted.

Infernus: Ain't you heard? The whole city's haunted.

Venator: You know what I mean.

Infernus: …I really thought I buried this part of me, y'know.

Venator: A lot of people try to bury the past. Problem with that is whenever someone comes to go dig it up, they make a big mess.

Infernus: Got any advice?

Venator: Yeah. Win. Otherwise you're torturing yourself for second place, and that's not worth it.

I am not God: I will never achieve moral purity. Unvarnished moral clarity must suffice.

To mourn what I never was is irrational grief.

I have always had an innate gift in writing. I am obligated to use this gift in the name of harm reduction.

No person, human or divine, will save me. Both are absent, and there is nothing to save.

In the past week I had to harm someone. It was necessary, and they will suffer for it. The idea of asking the Lord to forgive me is delusional.

If there exists a club of good people, I am excluded. "The Lord is merciful… I am not."

Submit to what I write. Action without redemption. Human and present love towards divine and absent love.

I love both the absent people and the absent God. That is enough.

Stop gazing into the void. Work remains undone in the world right behind it.

Stop asking to be deconstructed by light.

You are neither the source nor the destination.

Venator: You don't trust me.

Apollo: Men like you call people like me demons, so no. I don't trust you.

Venator: Young man, I don't care about the circumstances of your birth, I care about who you are. I don't give a damn if you look like a monster… but if you act like one, I will put you down.