Unsent Letters

To My Friend Who Asked Of My Future

Erin,

Thank you for your letter asking me if I was well and where I imagine my life going. I can not sincerely thank you enough for this question; I find genuine inquiries into my well-being rare. And most importantly, thank you for all the times we've talked where you expressed interest without ego. Of those genuine inquiries into my life, the vast majority do indeed try to impose their own perspective and life onto me. And this I understand, for they simply are looking out for me. But in those moments, I find myself talking to someone who sees merely a painting of me with their own applied colors.

To Myself, After 24 Total Years

Oh, such a sad thing. Your face in the dirt, your wings torn, staring endlessly upwards towards a silence that will never reach you.

Do you not feel like a pathetic thing? Of all challenges you've endured, of all affliction you have witnessed, why do you refuse to die? You are but an animal grasping for nothing, and that itself keeps you alive. A beast in the dirt. Do you not feel shame at how base you are?

Force and Thinghood: My Beloved Void

To whom it may concern,

At first I wanted to begin this letter with an accusation, "My dear void, while have you betrayed me?" But this would not be fair to you. I find myself in cycles of despair and transcendent hope, and I unfortunately find myself in another valley. To outright blame you would be intellectually lazy.

Most importantly, my dear void, is that I am terrified that this valley is distinct and unlike the dozens of others I escaped from. Previously, those valleys felt like well-confined rooms, housing only particular aspects of existence that worried me. It felt then as if I could simply chip away at the wall and find an open door to return to life. At this present moment, my beloved void, it feels like that each time I inch forward to chip away at the wall, suddenly the wall moves infinitely out of reach. My despair is with the totality of existence itself.

To A Man Hesitant On Attending College

Dear Matthew,

I deeply adored our conversation a few nights ago, and I doubly adored the honesty you spoke to me regarding your procrastination on attending college. Let me thank you for the trust this shows, for we only recently became friends. To fully enroll and commit to attending college in this fall semester is ultimately your own choice, and, by virtue of being separate humans, I can not argue if you definitively should or should not attend.