To A Rabbi

Rabbi,

I was raised atheist in a non-Jewish household, so the only exposure to religion as I grew up was brief and through Christian churches. Despite my parents being atheists, I chose to attend church at times; I always have felt a love for what God represents.

As time goes on, I find myself unable to truly believe that Christ is the incarnation of God, so I have started to learn about Judaism and listened to a few of your shabbat services. For context, in the past 8 months I have written about 88,000 words exploring God, grace, and affliction with an emphasis on careful attention to the other as a method to reduce our capability to harm.

With each essay I write, I find myself being drawn closer towards Judaism. I believe that all people are made in God's image equally, but I am skeptical of the way institutions have developed Christianity across history given its nature as an evangelizing religion.

I have started to read the Sefer HaBahir, and there was a particular passage I enjoyed:

Rabbi Rahumai sat and expounded: What is the meaning of the verse (Deuteronomy 33:23), "The filling is God's blessing, possessing the Sea and the South"? This means that wherever we find the letter ב it is blessed. This is the Filling referred to in the verse, "The filling is God's blessing." From there it nourishes those who need it. It was from this Filling that God sought advice.

What example does this resemble? A king wanted to build his palace among great cliffs. He mined into the bedrock and uncovered a great spring of living water. The king then said, "Since I have flowing water, I will plant a garden. Then I will delight in it, and so will all the world."

It is therefore written (Proverbs 8:30), "I was with Him as a craftsman, I was His delight for a day, a day, frolicking before him at every time." The Torah is saying, "For two thousand years I was in the bosom of the Blessed Holy One as His delight." The verse therefore says, "a day, a day." Each day of the Blessed Holy One is a thousand years, as it is written (Psalm 90:4), "A thousand years in Your eyes is as but yesterday when it is passed."

From then on, it is at times, as the verse states, "…at every time." The rest is for the world. It is thus written (Isaiah 48:9), "I will breathe out My praise through My nose for you."

What is the meaning of "My praise"? As it is written (Psalm 145:2), "A praise of David, I will raise You high…" Why is this a praise? Because I will "raise You high." And what is this elevation? Because "I will bless Your name for the world and forever."

My understanding of this passage is that blessing exists before merit, and blessing happens where there is space for something to enter. In particular, I understand the passage to mean that the Torah itself is a source of nourishment that enters the world where there is need, space, and readiness.

Regarding the parable of the king and the garden, I understand it to mean that reality is structured around what nourishes life. That what nourishes life is primary, and structure, order, or commandment emerges in service of that nourishment.

I write this email because I have a question given this specific claim: “For two thousand years I was in the bosom of the Blessed Holy One as His delight”

If this is true, do you understand the mitzvot as primarily descriptive of the underlying moral architecture of reality, rather than as purely prescriptive laws issued by divine will at a moment in time?

In other words, is the covenant a revelation of the moral structure already constitutive of the world, rather than its invention?

I understand this is not a simple question, and I would be grateful for any thoughts you might be willing to share.

I ask this because my current understanding is that God's withdrawal is the precondition for divine love, a concept I understand in Hebrew tradition as tzimtzum. At the same time, the Torah clearly presents an active God who acts within the world, and I am trying to wrestle honestly with this theological tension.

Thank you,

David