Trust and Self

As an American, I was taught that personal freedom was a critical virtue. That I am the governor of my self.

I was taught that personal liberty was sacred. The core of my being is freedom.

Yet the moment I express myself outside of the given lines, the accepted American way of life, staunch opposition meets me.

When I speak of wishing to emigrate, the default assumption is that I am naive, that "this could be a grass is greener scenario."

When I speak of wishing to step away from monetizing my existence, I am told that I need to "work harder" and to "stop being lazy."

Why am I expected to always hustle, to always curate a "personal brand?" When I met a new barber, she asked me if I had any side hustles to break the ice.

The words "personal" and "brand" together are vile.

When I hold hands with my boyfriend, I am told to stop "because children are watching."

Personal freedom in America is a dog whistle.

Socially, we are only free as long as we color inside the lines. The silver lining is that legal freedom is mostly supported.

What is liberty if authenticity makes me a threat?

To be a threat to another is to challenge another's security.

When your insecure girlfriend sees you talking to another pretty woman, she feels personally threatened.

When another business owner lowers prices for the same service, you feel economically threatened.

In this, the manifestation of insecurity is through feeling threatened.

The gay couple at my high school were mocked because they were different.

My wish to emigrate is met with the reduction of my being because it is different.

The legislation passed to exclude LGBTQ books in schools, thinly veiled under religious liberties, is celebrated because it prevents visible differences.

It is not the unseen difference that is rejected; rather, it is the visible differences that terrify our society. You must reconcile what you see, and this is the genesis of insecurity.

I must then ask, is American individualism truly a virtue if insecurity is rampant against individual differences?

The visible is unbearable because it reveals the compromises everyone else has made.

I believe that American individualism is a loosely held value, and that its application is partial. It is contradictory to believe we are individualists when most of our society reels at the sight of individual deviations.

Individualism fails at the desire to possess the choices of others. The engine of individualism is witnessing, which is destroyed at the boundary of possession.

But why is insecurity so rampant across society? Why is it everywhere? I must intuit that there are larger systems at play.

American consumerism is a documented phenomenon, and it is characterized by the desire for "more". A society obsessed with consumption implies an accepted emptiness.

To be considered successful in American society requires the accumulation of "more". Buying a large home with a modern car. To grow upwards in one's career, to be someone "important". To have a devoted partner, an addition to your self.

Through this, our society functions on systematic supposed emptiness. To see another soul reject this engineered lack inspires insecurity. His or her contentment threatens the entire system based on your discontent.

My desire to live as myself becomes a political threat against the system that governs our individualism.

There is no liberty if my authenticity is a political threat.

The ironic truth is that if you are a successful outlier of the system, if you accumulate a massive amount of money, suddenly your authentic choices are virtues!

Celebrities who embrace minimalism after achieving maximum consumption, CEOs who retire to "focus on what matters".

It is difficult for me to take any form of "thought leadership" seriously.

Even authenticity is somehow commodified.

This is both awe-inspiring and terrifying.

I believe the only rational response to this twisted implementation of individualism is to radically choose your own life on your terms (I bet you didn't expect this revelation :D ).

To abandon our supposed American individualism in the service of clarity. To do so is to be a faithful steward to your own paradoxical existence.

When interacting with others, we should witness rather than possess. Why should we feel threatened by another person living their own life?

If you are someone who has not proved your worth to the system, then your understanding of your own needs will be shadowed by doubt, by projection.

I was beat as a child for being highly sensitive, and I was pathologized and told that something was wrong with me.

Even after years of abuse, I still remember being seven years old and noticing how sad it was that my gym teacher's smile always faded back to neutral. I remember feeling disturbed watching joy fade from his face.

I simply am wired slightly differently from others, and I have different needs.

To undoubtedly trust what your self needs is the most radical act of individualism we are capable of.

We hold much more power than we realize; this is the foundation of courage.