What Is David?
I have reasonable concerns that in a few years, or even a decade from now, I may lose significant clarity and control of the mind. My grandfather developed schizophrenia late in life, and although I have incredible insight I find myself just slightly losing grip across intense episodes. Just recently I found my mind starting to loop at rapid pace in a drained bathtub.
If anything this will be a slow process, if it happens at all.
I don't know if I would choose to stop it from happening.
Regardless, I want to write down what I am, what I believe, so in the worst case I can look at this writing many years in the future and see whispers of a forgotten ghost.
What Does David Believe?
He believes in the fundamental beauty of the human condition: that there exists some shred of goodness innate within our being. If there was no such thing he would have no reason to live.
He believes this world is incredible beyond any description, and every use of language fails to capture its essence.
He believes rolling clouds juxtaposed against deep, searing suffering to represent the most haunted yet luminous relationship between man and God.
He believes that there is a God, and it is only appropriate for us primitives to worship a God. That God very well may be nature.
He believes that you, the reader, are capable of transcending your own suffering into something stable.
He believes that all men are equal, and any difference between us, even between a saint and Hitler, is that of contingent imagination.
He believes that he will die stuck in his corpse, watching his soul ascend towards God without him.
He believes such a thing is acceptable due to necessity.
He believes pets deliver love that is impossible to find in the human realm.
He believes all people have inherent worth just given their humanity.
He believes moral relativism is the tool of cowards.
He believes in the ability to find God in flashes in encounter with the mundane.
He believes in love.
What Is David
David is a person who, despite his profound alienation and internalized exile from all things human and even divine, overflows with such love for this world. This love, paired with this profound alienation, terrorizes his entire existence but he must persist, because that's what this world deserves.
…
And right now I looked outside my window to a beautiful skyline, staring at a building whose roof is adorned with lights, sobbing uncontrollably, for in this true affliction all I can think of is God and that such suffering is the mediator between the divine and mundane.
And in this moment, I find some point to live.
I don't know why you do this to me, but I love you.
I'm sorry.